‘Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza, and Count the Head Lice on the Highway’

(Ray Brandes offers a brief history of misheard lyrics in rock ‘n’ roll.)

The Kingsmen in NYMusic fans have long been thwarted by misinterpretations of lyrics mumbled by rock ‘n’ rollers, with often hilarious results called “mondegreens.” Numerous such misinterpretations were to be found in the Kingsmen’s 1963 version of Richard Berry’s “Louie, Louie,” and led to an FBI obscenity investigation after a parent wrote of her disgust with the lyrics to then Attorney General Robert Kennedy. In his book about “Louie, Louie” Richard Marsh describes the phenomenon:

Back in 1963, everyone who knew anything about rock ‘n’ roll knew that the Kingsmen’s “Louie Louie” concealed dirty words that could be unveiled only by playing the 45 rpm single at 33-1/3. This preposterous fable bore no scrutiny even at the time, but kids used to pretend it did, in order to panic parents, teachers, and other authority figures.

“Louie, Louie” letterThe feds spent 31 months trying to decipher the intentional slurred lyrics before giving up, but that didn’t stop many radio stations from banning the song, nor the Indiana governor from personally declaring the song obscene.

The word was coined by Sylvia Wright, in an article called “The Death of Lady Mondegreen,” in Harper’s Magazine in 1954. As a child she misheard the last line of an old Scottish murder ballad called The Bonny Earl o’ Murray:

Ye Hielands and ye Lowlands,
O where hae ye been?
Thay hae slain the Earl o’ Murray,
And Lady Mondegreen.

“The Bonny Earl of Murray”“How romantic to have them both die together,” she thought, before discovering the real lyric was: “And hae laid him on the green.” Wright henceforth used the term mondegreen to describe the misunderstandings that produce new meanings.

Some have nearly made careers studying mondegreens, and a cursory Google search yields numerous lists. Some of my favorites include:

From Jimi Hendrix’s “Purple Haze”: “’Scuse me, while I kiss this guy.”
From The Beatles’ “Michelle”: “Michelle, ma bell, Sunday monkey won’t play piano song, play piano song.”
From The Beatles’ “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds”: “The girl with colitis goes by.”

And two I will reluctantly admit to hearing myself:
From the Rolling Stones’ “Satisfaction”: “I can’t get no girly action.”
From KISS’ “Rock and Roll All Night”: “I wanna rock and roll all night/ and part of every day.”

What are your favorite mondegreens?

— Ray Brandes

91 thoughts on “‘Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza, and Count the Head Lice on the Highway’

  1. i always thought that elvis was singing about a girl called “valerie love”. because, you know, at the age of 8 who gets the idea of a marriage related parent.

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  2. k: most of plants lyrics were tolkien based. so bustle in your hedgerow makes sense… kind of. but those elton lyrics? a serious wtf goes out to his acid tripped ass.

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  3. I got my dad’s Tolkien but my sister got all his Zeppelin. The Zeppelin/Tolkien connection never made any sense to me until I took shrooms in Julian. Then it all started to make sense.

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  4. My first mondegreen (great word, sounds like an organic/veggie monte christo sandwich) was the mysterious “ellemenno” in the alphabet song. Didn’t dawn on me then it was individual letters, especially when there’s a dubbleyooex.

    Didn’t personally hear it this way, but “There’s a bathroom on the right” always comes to mind now when I hear the chorus “Bad Moon Rising”.

    ‘Candy and a Currant Bun’ by Pink Floyd…I guess Syd DOES say in the first verse what I’ve always though he said. I figured it was a mondegreen and the lyrics must have been “please just walk with me”..

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  5. >stupidest lyrics ever conceived

    “I am I said. I am said I. And no one heard at all not even the chair…”

    Come on.

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  6. “hands…touching hands…reaching out…touching me…touching you…”

    make me think of Night Of The Living Dead for some reason.

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  7. stupid is as stupid does. I’ve “got a boulder on my shoulder, and I’m feelin kinda older.”
    and what about: “taking a load off Fanny”
    what the hell does that even mean?

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  8. all in know is that this thread has me lol’ing.

    matthew, bahaha!

    dave, i totally follow you on the zombie thing there. maybe we should do a zombie film and use that song.

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  9. Kristen,
    Please tell me you know that the real lyrics are “Take a load off, Annie.”

    Stupid lyrics? I’m working on a piece on rock lyrics: the ridiculous to the sublime. Save your stupid, ungrammatical or merely awkward and contrived for the coming thread!

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  10. Not exactly a misheard lyric, but I nominate McDonald’s “Snack Wrap” to be one of the worst food names in recent memory. It’s actually hard to pronounce it or hear someone else say it without hearing something else..

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  11. “LUTAN” is the ultimate Che Underground mondegreen, ’cause it ended up plastered on Flem’s car. Somebody ‘splain it … I think this has been described on the blog before, but I’m too lazy to look it up!

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  12. McDonald’s Snack Wrap is a misheard product name which describes the product more accurately than its real name. Let’s henceforth coin the new term: “snackwraps”.

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  13. >dave, i totally follow you on the zombie thing there. maybe we should do a zombie film and use that song.

    Looks like “Neal Of The Living Diamond” is already in pre-production.
    Wonder if it will be as good as his version of The Jazz Singer…
    THAT movie was a true snackwrap. Not at all a happy meal..

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  14. haha!!!

    neil diamond is the king of crappy, obvs lyrics. just look at the song america. sheesh.

    great pic, dave.

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  15. Matthew: Lutan is definitely one of my fave mondegreens…at the end of “Didacts and Narpets” (??) on Rush’s ‘Caress of Steel’ album, there is a simultaneous yell of “listen” and “return”. Sounds like “Lutan”.
    Here’s the clip:

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  16. >>How about this gem from the eighties: “Might as well face it, you’re a dick with a glove”

    is that a “snackwrap”?
    sorry! sheesh. it was just dangling there like a carrot.
    whoops! sorry!
    I go away now.

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  17. k, i was thinking that, too. so don’t go away.

    i thought of someone who i loved but had NO clue what she was on about… elizabeth fraser… did anyone ever figure out what the hell she was saying?

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  18. “Can’t get no girly action”

    Oh damm Ray, this is embarrassing! I thought that was the line. What is the right one?

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  19. Cocteau Twins lyrics. Does Elizabeth Fraser speak fairy? One time Andy G. and I sat and tried to figure out the lyrics which to us sounded a lot like: “sugar hiccups on cheerios”.

    In the Dead Can Dance live movie, “Toward the Within”, Lisa Gerrard admits in an interview that her lyrics are an invented language used to embellish the music -- we all know that Lisa is not of this earth with that other worldly voice of hers. It gives me chills!

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  20. once, a long time go, i saw dcd at a theater in sd. it was right after my father died of aids. i wrote lisa a letter and asked her to sing host of the seraphim for him and for me (it was his favorite dcd song, said it sounded like church should sound). she did it as an encore. and told the audience it was for us. you could have heard a pin drop when she said my name. i heard people say, “mara? where?!” i wasn’t living in sd anymore, so i think people were surprised i was there at all, let alone being sung to by her and brendan. she sang it a capella. afterward i went back to talk to her. turns out her brother had died of aids, too. we hugged and talked and cried together. lisa gerrard is a personal hero of mine. i love her.

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  21. ava. i was at that show. third row center. i went alone to see dcd at the spreckles theater. lisa was dressed all in white and sang “host of the seraphim” acapella. her voice was a slingshot to the soul, to heaven and back. i still have the ticket stub. and…I remember her dedicating that song.

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  22. I think one of the creepiest stanzas ever is from Rod Stewart’s Tonight’s The Night. I think it is because Rod Stewart is saying it that makes it so creepy. Get Rod Stewart AWAY FROM THE VIRGIN!!! Step away from the virgin!!!

    “Don’t say a word my virgin child
    Just let your inhibitions run wild
    The secret is about to unfold
    Upstairs before the night’s too old”

    Closely preceeded by:
    “C’mon angel my hearts on fire
    Don’t deny your man’s desire
    You’d be a fool to stop this tide
    Spread your wings and let me come inside”

    ew.

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  23. k: you remember! i’m glad. b/c that was one of the most touching moments of my life. she is such a gracious and kind person.

    m: yeah, ew. just ick. ::spits on rod stewart::

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  24. And I still can’t get past those horrible lyrics by The Band. It is NOT Annie. It really is Fanny.

    “Catch a cannon ball now to take me down the line
    My bag is sinkin’ low and I do believe it’s time
    To get back to Miss Fanny, you know she’s the only one
    Who sent me here with her regards for everyone

    Take a load off Fanny, take a load for free
    Take a load off Fanny
    And -- and -- and -- you put the load -- you put the load -- right on me”

    Now how is that any better than NWA? At least on Straight Outta Compton the music is good. The Band is blech! Straight outta “The Big Chill”.

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  25. Did anybody else fail to notice that CSN&Y’s crooning, “You make it haaaaaaaaaard!” was actually kind of … naughty?

    I was so accustomed to dismissing them as silly old hippies, that lyric didn’t, uhhhh, raise a flag for me until I was past 30.

    Yeah, Kristen: “Take a load for free” always made me want to puke a little. “Uhhhhh, gee! … Thanks?”

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  26. >>afterward i went back to talk to her. turns out her brother had died of aids, too. we hugged and talked and cried together. lisa gerrard is a personal hero of mine. i love her.

    OK, Ava. I got tears in my eyes from that story. Bam, right in the sternum. That’s very cool.

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  27. Looking for mondegreens I ran across this guilty musical pleasure. But actually, I can understand him a lot more clearly than I remembered.

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  28. Toby-
    I agree wholeheartedly! Even as a kid I recognized the brilliance of “she comes out of the sun in a silk dress running like a watercolor in the rain.” I really like the piano, too.

    Sorry Kristen, but get your mind out of the gutter! Maybe this will make the song a little more palatable for you:

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  29. ray! you just took that song out of the gutter (and outta the zombie slinging, frisbee pile) and raised it up amongst the clouds. bless mother Aretha! thank you. i’m gonna download that.

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  30. Google suggests that — while it’s often been used with satirical intent — “Urethra Franklin” is itself a mondegreen for a few innocent souls, God bless ’em.

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  31. Bo Diddley Say Man lyrics

    (Ellas McDaniel) 1959
    (Alternate lines spoken by BO DIDDLEY and Jerome Green):
    Say man,
    What’s that boy?
    I want to tell you ’bout your girlfriend,
    What about my girl?
    Well, you don’t look strong enough to take the message,
    I’m strong enough,
    I might hurt your feelings,
    My feelings are already hurt by being here with you,
    Well, I was walking down the street with your girl the other day,
    Ah-ha,
    And the wind was blowin’ real hard,
    Is that right?
    And the wind blew her hair into my face,
    Ah-ha,
    You know what else happened?
    What happened?
    The wind blew her hair into her face,
    Yeh?
    And we went a little further; you wanna hear the rest of it?
    I might as well,
    The wind blew her hair into the street!
    Ok; since you told me about my girl, I’m gonna tell you about yours. I was walking down the street with your girl,
    Yes?
    I took her home, for a drink, you know,
    Took her home?
    Yeh, jus’ for a drink,
    Oh,
    But that chick looked so ugly, she had to sneak up on the glass to get a drink of water!
    You’ve got the nerve to call somebody ugly; why you so ugly the stork that brought you in the world oughta be arrested!
    That’s alright; my momma didn’t have to put a sheet on my head so sleep could slip up on me!
    Look-a here!
    What’s that?
    Where are you from?
    South America,
    What’s that?
    South America,
    You don’t look like no South American to me,
    I’m still from South America,
    What part?
    South Texas!
    Where are your workin’ boots at?
    I’ve got ’em on,
    Those aren’t no boots you got on; those broguettes!
    Hey, look-a here!
    What’s that?
    I’ve bin tryin’ to figure out what you is,
    I already figured out what YOU is!
    What’s that?
    You that thing I throw peanuts at!
    Look-a here!
    What’s that?
    You should be ashamed of yourself,
    Why?
    Calling people ugly,
    I didn’t call you ugly,
    What you say?
    I said you was ruined, that’s all!
    You know somethin’?
    What?
    You look like you’ve bin whooped with a ugly-stick!
    Hey! I ain’t got nothin’ to do with it, but I beat the fellah right…!

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  32. >>insert comedy drum riff.

    Ava: I merely report the news, I don’t make it!

    Back to The Band, I honestly did think the lyric was,

    C’mon, crippled creep, she sends me …
    If I spring a leak, she mends me …

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  33. From Bon Jovi:
    “We’re halfway there
    whoa-oa, livin’ on a prayer
    take my hand, we’re Megadeth-squared
    whoa-oa, livin’ on a prayer”

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  34. re: “Where are your workin’ boots at?
    I’ve got ‘em on,
    Those aren’t no boots you got on; those broguettes!”

    I was just thinking about this song yesterday and, not knowing what broguettes were, was perplexed by a Bo Diddley song that referenced “Pro-Keds.”

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  35. Can somebody clear one up for me? In “Super-Freak” is he saying “the kind of girl you read about in ‘new wave’ magazines,” or “Newsweek magazine?”

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  36. Isn’t Bo Diddley saying “those aren’t boots you got on, those brogans”?
    Brogans are shoes, I’m not sure what broguettes are. Of course, I always thought the band was singing “Take a load off, Annie”so what do I know?

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  37. What about that famous Stevie Wonder song -- “She’s got batman pajamas.” Or That Earth ,Wind and Fire hit -- “Alexis Grooves.”

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  38. My girlfriend Annie’s friend thought Kim Carnes’ song went “She’s got better days aside”. Her friend’s father, a Philipino immigrant, use to sing “Canada Dry” to the Buckinghams’ Kind of a Drag.

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  39. You know that Peter Gabriel song, “Games Without Frontiers”? It used to be played a lot on Jim McGinnes’s Modern World show on Sunday nights. Anyway, I just found out about thirty seconds ago that he is not singing “She is so funky, yeah.”

    Another one I can’t figure out is a line from the Bee Gee’s “You Should Be Dancing.” It sounds like, “What you doin’ with the neighbor’s cat?”

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  40. You guys are all freakin’ hillarious…I feel like we all all hanging around at my place at Madison Avenue or at John Murphy’s, after eating at Gay Denny’s following a show Downtown….sitting in a circle in a rooom…with the conversation swrirling about on the heels of smoke (just like they used to portray it on “That 70’s Show”)…OUJI board, collage materials, poetry, smashed beer cans, and poetry on board!

    I’m in stitches…and for the life of me, I can’t remember any misunderstood lyrics-but I’m sure I’ve come across many in my time, and I’ve probably sung a few too!

    Man, you people are nuts…and I love you!

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  41. Oh, Kristen T-Great point on Elisabeth Fraser…she definately sings-
    if not also speaks, fairy! I also found that a lot of Heart’s higher pitched caterwauling was sometimes hard to keep track of, even though they were a kick-as 70’s rock band and definitely broke the glass ceiling for she-rockers!

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  42. Crazy on you she-rocker extraordinaire, miss Kristi.

    “you lying so low in the weeds
    I bet you gonna ambush me
    you got me down down down down on my knees
    now would you, BARRACUDA!”

    one of the greatest rock riffs ever conceived in that song. nancy wilson rocks hard.

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  43. I have the hardest time making out lyrics on the old Eno stuff. It seems like he’s saying nonsense like “You have to make the choice between the paw paw negro blowtorch and me” or “Burger Bender bargain blender shine shine shine, And gunner burn the leader on the fuse”

    I dunno.

    Saturday Night

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  44. Dave,

    There is more weird on the nets, than could be found in a lifetime.

    I think that this was contrived by a genius -- a bonsai-scale David Lynch. Western pants, the flag… That LAMP!

    It’s a pity that there was never an Unknowns EP released with this cover:

    IT'S THE DRUMS

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  45. Ray --
    I was hoping you’d find the clip where Badfinger weren’t copping The Beatles! I’ve been looking for years, and I figured you’d turn it up…

    I actually like this version -- better than the one on the album. It’s a Harry Nilsson, no? Yes. I prefer Bulgarian pidgin-English to Mariah.

    Who did the other cover of this? I keep thinking The Guess Who or Todd Rundgren. Well, there’s a vein to mine! 🙂

    “Now on Remcor, all 250 cover versions of ‘Without You’ gathered together in one place, just like you think you remember them! Act now, this offer is not available in stores.”

    Laugh if you want, but I made a mix ‘tape’ on CD of about 14 different versions of “One Mint Julep”. Some are outtasite. I wish there’d have been a Hendrix…

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  46. When I was a kid, I thought Ziggy had god-given eyes.

    I also thought Three Dog Night was wishing “joy to the fishes and the people who see.”

    Some sort of theme here.

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  47. Hey Jer’

    I think I only knew about 30% of what I could make out with Eno lyrics, and threw up my hands at the rest. I found a pretty good site years ago that had all the lyrics. It was part of enoweb, if you can find it. There was a spirited debate about Paw Paw Negro Blowtorch where some people really thought the line “He’ll barbeque your kitten, he’s a, just another lava lover” was “He’ll barbeque your mittened penis…” Just silly, really.

    My brother and I always joked that the Strange Magic line was “And I, strained my dick.” Kinda the same…

    On an unrelated note, I always wondered why Battalion of Saints had a tune about the catering deli next door to the California Theatre.

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  48. My step mom used to listen to B-100, and as I sat on the shag-carpeted platform in the back of that hot, windowless, horrible green van I’d try to puzzle out the mysterious lyrical world of adult MOR…. I thought “philadelphia freedom” was “Billy, don’t be a Frito”.

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  49. “I’ve seen love go by my door, never been this close before
    never been so easy or so slow.
    I’ve been shooting in the dark too long, when somethings not
    right it’s wrong
    You’re gonna make me lonesome when you go.

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  50. lyrics that always made my blood boil:

    Next phase, new wave, dance craze, anyways,
    It´s still rock and roll to me.

    In fact, I always thought “Kill Billy Joel” would be a great unused band name. Or at least a song title.

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  51. In the Will Ferell film “Step Brothers,” Horatio Sanz plays the lead singer in a “late eighties” Billy Joel cover band called Uptown Girl. He becomes enraged when the crowd shouts out requests for seventies or nineties Billy Joel songs.

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  52. curse you for getting that damn song in my head, paul. i WILL get my revenge.

    i’m a cowboy, on a steel horse i ride…
    i’m wanted… dead or alive!

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  53. I’m a phallus in pigtails and there’s blood on my nose…

    Oh wait -- that really is what he sings….

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  54. Until three minutes ago, Googling, I swear I thought that all those poets in “Sweet Jane” studied “Rousseau verse.” I mean, I’ve sung the song like that for 30 years!

    Never knew if Lou was talking about Henri Rousseau, the painter, or Jean-Jacques Rousseau, the philosopher, but I’ve always loved “Rousseau verse.” Be careful what you Google! 🙁

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  55. That’s really funny Matt! Rousseau verse…rules of verse. We could have just asked LOU. He knows that song better than anyone except Lou Reed.

    Bruce

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  56. i just listened to julie london doing LOUIE LOUIE……

    and i thought i’d been in love before.

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